One year ago today Josh and I were faced with hours of the most difficult and heart wrenching decisions we may ever make as parents. This is Liam and Tate's story...
At about 11:30pm on April the 8th I was feeling the usual discomfort that came with being stretched to the max by two growing little boys inside me. I mentioned to my mom I was hurting but this did not seem out of the ordinary for me, especially after a day of being on my feet at school. It wasn't until after a shower and Josh arrived home from work about an hour later that the pain became so intense I began to question what I was feeling. Earlier that day I had been to see my OB and the day prior I had been scanned at the specialist, and at 23 weeks gestation my last thought was that these pains were an indicator of labor. But Josh asked me "Could you be having contractions?" and minutes later my water had broken and Tate was already presenting. Immediately Josh ran to wake my mom and came back down the stairs already on the phone with EMS dispatch. It seemed like only moments later we heard sirens and a crowd of EMS flooded my basement. It took only a few minutes for the EMS to discuss their options and decide on a plan- only I was not satisfied. The tech that was communicating with me wanted to deliver the boys right where I laid but I was aware of the obvious implications that would have on their life if they were unable to be treated immediately. It was only 7 minutes from that to decision until we pulled into the hospital at which point my contractions were 1 minute long with only 30 seconds in between. It took the nurses only minutes to usher me into an OR and prep me for a c-section. Meanwhile Josh was outside the operating room being given information by the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit physician about the severity of the situation. She let Josh know that she had the authority to assess the boys and either treat them or not. Josh then entered the room and sat at my head as they began to open me up. The nurses and doctors kept saying to us that we needed to not worry if we didn't hear any crying as the boys were extremely premature. The pulled Liam out first and Josh got a good look at our first precious little boy before they swept him away and began working on him. Next they pulled out Tate and still to this day I can hear the little yell he gave when they laid him on top of my belly. Our eyes filled with tears as there was a collective gasp among the operating room staff. They quickly took Tate to the side and began working on him as well. The boys were only in the room with us for what seemed like seconds and then they were rushed to the NICU. On the way there, their Uncle Clark got a passing glance. Once the surgery was finished I was taken to recovery and was able to see my Mom and Dad as well as my brother and sister. At this point it was the middle of the night but in came my pastor and his wife with tears in their eyes as they prayed over us and for the boys. Also, my second parents the Siers were there to pray with me and take care of my parents. Josh's parents had been notified as soon as I was in an ambulance and they were in route from St. Louis. Josh and my parents were able to go up and see the boys shortly after I was placed in a room. All three of them reported back to me that they were beautiful little boys who were not going to go without a fight. The NICU doctor was pleased for the moment but made it very clear that we were only dealing with a minute by minute status. The doctor suggested that Josh and I attempt to get some rest because we had a long road in front of us. So we slept for a few hours and when we woke Jane had arrived with Josh's sister Maddie. Josh took his mom up to the NICU. I was still unable to feel my legs so I was still bound to the bed. When Josh returned his eyes were filled with tears and it was obvious things weren't looking good. The NICU called and told us to come up because the situation had worsened. My hero- Josh was not waiting any longer for the transporter that was assigned to us. He picked me up and placed me in the wheelchair and we headed to the NICU. By the time we pulled up to Liam's bed they were turning off the machines cleaning him up. The doctor apologized with tears in his eyes and then handed Liam to me. It was only a matter of minutes before we were brought Tate as well. When Josh and I looked up from the boys we were surrounded by both sets of parents and some of our siblings. Our entire family was able to hold them and mourn with us.
The next morning I was encouraged by a dear lady at our church, Diane Parker to hold the boys again. She assured me that this was not strange and that as a mom and dad Josh and I should get to look them over and feel whatever we needed to while we were able. So that is exactly what we did. For that entire Saturday the boys where in our room. Pam found tiny little clothes for them and I was able to dress them in the outfits that they would be buried in. Our entire family was packed into our hospital room- Kirk and Jane, Kylie, Grace, Maddie, Mom and Dad, Clark, Lyric and Laura. We ate meals together and laughed together and though they were already with the Lord, Tate and Liam experienced the love and support of our family's as they would have had they survived.
This was the longest 4 days of our life to date, but I CANNOT begin to imagine what those days and the last year would have felt like without the hope Josh and I have in Jesus Christ. When we look back we can clearly see that God placed individuals in our path those four days- starting with the EMS that stayed with me all the way to the O.R. all the way to the food service lady who brought me extra grilled-cheese and a pie for the family because her family had recently experienced the same thing. Josh and I owe many thanks to our parents who respected our wishes the entire time but completely planned, organized and paid for the small burial service of our boys. The Lord had blessed us greatly in so many ways, but merely by giving us wonderful Godly supportive parents. Over the last year around the house we have been free to talk about the boys, to cry over the boys and to thank God for the short time we had with them. God is sovereign, even in the times we can't understand and don't like. He knew the very minute that Tate and Liam would be called to Him and in that moment there was no more pain or suffering for our sweet boys. Josh and I hold tight- some days even cling to the promise that as God's children we will see our boys again.
There are so many of you reading that have prayed for us and served us through this last year of healing and we cannot begin to tell you how grateful we are for you. I realize this entry has maybe more details than some would like but it is important to Josh and I that people know the boys lived. Thank you for your continued prayers as we covet them for Baby Girl Mathews.
William Louis Mathews
"Liam"
1 lb 7 oz, 11 inches long
Joshua "Tate" Mathews
1 lb 7 oz. 11 inches long
Sweet Brothers
Tate (on left) Liam (right)
