3 years later...

"God is most glorified in me, when I am most satisfied in Him." -John Piper 

I heard this statement years ago, but I was then unaware of what the Lord would later use to prove this true in my own life. This day 3 years ago I delivered my twin baby boys and just as quickly had to tell them goodbye... for now. There were many times that day and the days following that I thought the pain was too unbearable to go on. Those days I physically clung to my precious husband and emotionally clung to the promise of eternal life for my boys through the personal sacrifice of Jesus Christ. The Lord upheld Josh and I both and blessed us beyond measure with our sweet Charlee girl and now our "Little Bean." I am certain and have absolutely NO doubts that the Lord was in control even through the devastating loss of the boys. I am also certain that though it was painful His plan was and is perfect... though 3 years ago I remember being angered by the thought of that. What I know to be true is that when Josh and I were dangling by a thread at the end of ourselves, empty and broken, the only answer was to rest in Christ. So that is what we did, by God's great grace. We took one day at a time, sometimes praying only that "God would be bigger than our pain that day." Soon after we began hearing from people who were amazed that Josh and I were healing and even some that were amazed that our marriage was withstanding this trial. We will be the first to say that it was nothing that the two of us did apart from the Lord that allowed us to keep living. The Lord had a greater purpose than we could understand for taking Liam and Tate home- He was to be glorified! It was not until this week after a conversation with a friend that this struck me so clearly. The Lord has given Josh and I an amazing opportunity to share hope with so many because of the loss of our boys. As a mom, the hurt is still very real but the hope that others will come to know Christ as their Lord and Savior as a result of the boys death gives their short lives a heavenly purpose. Three years later that is truly our prayer for those of you that read this- that the Lord would begin to reveal Himself to you in a very real and personal way that would draw you to faith in Him as the Risen Savior and begin walking with Him each day. We are obviously examples that a faith in Christ does not always mean a problem free life but it offers a peace that is beyond earthly understanding, true joy in the midst of a storm and a promise that He will never leave you or forsake you. I tell people often that if I did not believe that on April 9th, 2010 the Lord was holding Joshua Tate Mathews and William Louis Mathews in His hands than when we buried them the following Monday their story ends there... but it doesn't! I am certain that my boys were greeted by their heavenly Father and I too will greet them again one day. There is a song written by Selah that puts into words an amazing picture of what my boys may be experiencing and I'd like to leave you with them...

Such a long roadAll this madnessBut I knowThat the silenceHas brought me to His voiceAnd He says…I’ve shown them photographs of time beginningWalked them through the parted seasAngel lullabies, no more teary eyesWho could love them like this?I will carry youWhile your heart beats hereLong beyond the empty cradleThrough the coming yearsI will carry youAll your lifeI will praise the One Who’s chosen MeTo carry you

Job 1:21 "The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; Blessed be the name of the Lord."

Spoke a little too soon...

After a week on bedrest and 2 trips to labor and delivery our bean is still tucked inside and growing like a weed. We were rejoicing yesterday over a great report from the doctor. After looking at the baby he was extremely pleased with growth and development as the baby was measuring about a week and a half big. My cervix was measured at 4 cm, which was even longer than what it has been early on during this pregnancy. So the doctor lifted ALL restrictions and said to go on with life like normal. So that's exactly what we did. Mom, Charlee and I took a celebratory trip to Walmart- walking! Later it was decided that I would go with Josh to the Reds vs Angels game that he already had tickets for. Despite the cold we enjoyed seeing the Angels play and spending a little time with one another. We returned home late and headed for bead... Around 3am I woke Josh. I was having intense contractions that were so similar to what I experienced with the twins. Josh called my mom and we headed into L & D to see what was happening. After 3 hours on the monitor and a cervical length ultra sound they determined that my cervix was soft but closed and long and I was in fact having consistent contractions. The doctor released me around 6 this morning but I was sent home in a wheelchair and told to stay there. So it's back to bedrest I go in hopes that my body calms down to keep our bean in there a little longer. We so appreciate your continued prayers for all 4 of us. Charlee is learning quickly that "Momma's belly is hurting" and I can't pick her up. It's probably been a harder transition for me than for her. We are so thankful for the tremendous help my mom has been. From being my hands and feet to waking in the middle of the night to keep an ear out for Charlee. We could not be more thankful for her help. And lastly- I am personally so thankful for Josh. The Lord has been so kind to give me a husband with such a patient and loving heart. On top of working he has sat through hours of contraction monitoring and discomfort. During those times he has kissed my head and prayed that The Lord would calm my body and bring peace to my mind and of course keep our precious baby safe. I am beyond blessed to be Mrs. Josh Mathews- and that doesn't even scratch the surface on what a wonderful daddy he is. Thank you for reading- and thank you in advance for your prayers.

Baby Update and Call to our Prayer Warriors

   We visited our specialist yesterday for what was supposed to be our last routine cervical length and ultra sound.  We will start with the good news first- our precious little bean is growing and developing beautifully. Two weeks ago (24 weeks), during a growth ultra sound the baby was measuring to be about 1 pound 11 ounces. This week they didn't measure for growth but checked vital organs and said all looks good. We could not be more thankful for our healthy active little bean. Here's a sneak peek inside my belly...

We are so in love!

   So then comes the not so great news... During my cervical measurement the doctor discovered that I have already shortened 1/2 centimeter. The actual length is not of concern YET, but the fact that it changed and that it also appears to be "dynamic." Dynamic is a term the doctor described to us to mean active, possible movement on the internal side of the cervix. So what does this mean for mom and baby? Well, we are now on modified bed rest. No picking Charlee up and staying off my feet other than to perform daily tasks. This will be the doctors orders until about 30 weeks at least. Next week we revisit the doctor for a cervical length, if there is any change the plan as it stands now, is hospitalization for observation and administration of steroids to speed up lung development in baby. We are praying that the measurement next week shows no change, but we are thankful for the wise care and plan that has been put into place by our doctor. We are also thanking God for his protection yesterday. As I said above, yesterday was supposed to be our last ultra sound and the specialist was going to discharge us. Had the cervical change not occurred when it did Josh, myself and our doctors would be none the wiser to a potentially very serious situation for mom and baby. We appreciate your prayers for our family more than you know.  I plan to update more regularly as I now have a good bit of time on my hands :-) Thank you for reading and thank you in advance for your prayers.

9 weeks makes a BIG difference!

9 weeks and hair dye later...

 My silly very sweet girl

 "My belly"

Nine weeks brings lots of change! We continue to be grateful to the Lord for good reports from both my doctor and specialist. Our precious little bean is growing by leaps and bounds...literally I think he/she is leaping around in here. He/she is always measuring in or above the 90th percentile and a few days big. Charlee is starting to notice the physical change in my belly and has now started talking to "her baby" through "Momma's button." As you can tell from the above photos, she enjoys being a part of my weekly growth photos. 

We are thankful for any prayers that are being said for my health and the baby's. We are getting so excited to welcome this little bean into our family. Thank you for reading!

*** Also- I want to give credit where credit is due. A friend of mine and twin mom, Kathleen Davidson posted photos of her weekly growth through her pregnancy next to a chalk board similar to the one I am pictured with. I looked forward to her posts weekly and thought it was a wonderful way to log this journey. Thank you Kathleen for the brilliant idea!

Only 15 months later...

Obviously from the title of this post I have clearly gotten out of the habit of blogging regularly. I hope to do better. So to quickly recap the last 15 months...

• Charlee joined us on the outside on July 11, 2011 at 2:39pm. Since then she has brought us an unending amount of joy, laughter and healing. We are so thankful for our sweet baby! 

In her 14 months she has hit some major milestones; sitting up, crawling, walking, saying "Daddy" & "Momma" and many other words... "No" is one she enjoys a lot! She is eating everything in sight, has 7 (almost 8) teeth, and is pottying on the big girl potty. We can not wait to see what these next several months hold! 

One year later...

• In other news, Josh has had and recovered from two shoulder surgeries to repair a torn labrum and one spinal surgery to fuse is L3 and L4. We are thankful to report that he is recovering better than expected from the spinal fusion and his back pain is mostly gone. Another exciting outcome of the surgeries was a surprising career change and an exciting adventure the Lord is taking us on. Josh opened his own Hard Surface Cleaning and Restoration service. He attended training and purchased equipment from an amazing company called The Master's Touch. We are certain the Lord has called us into this line of service and are excited to see where it will take us. Check out Josh's website for more information www.grouted.net
• As for Anna this is not a ton of change to report. I am loving being a wife and "Mommy" and a nanny to two wonderful kids 4 afternoons out of the week. I am also learning to do a little administrative work to help carry the load of the new business. Together Josh and I have committed to serving as leaders for our youth Community groups on Wednesday nights. We are assigned to the 8th grade and enjoying the youth that the Lord has placed in our life. We also are the new 3rd and 4th grade sunday school teachers- what an awesome blessing and challenge it is to open God's word with great kids. 

I hope to update more often on the more brief day to day happenings in our world. As for today, looking back over the change that has happened the last 15 months has been an incredible reminder of God's faithfulness and blessings. Proverbs 16:3 says "Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and He will establish your plans." So thankful that He is in control. 

One last look before she arrives! And a salute to Kirk Mathews...

5 weeks to go... or less! And less would be okay with us! On Thursday Josh and I went to Lexington and got a sneak peek at Baby Mathews. This little glimpse into her world was Josh's early Father's Day gift... so before I go on let me take a moment to tell you how happy it made my heart that he chose to get a look at his baby girl in place of a "present." I am beyond excited to get to see him hold her and see her for the first time! On that note, I also want to express my gratitude for my father in law Kirk Mathews as Father's Day approaches. As Josh and I draw near to the birth of our sweet little girl I am so thankful that Josh grew up with Kirk as his example of a godly husband and father. For those of you who don't know, Josh is one of 4 children and he is the only boy. For years Josh has watched his dad tenderly love each one of his girls, support them in their endeavors and faithfully pray for them as they grow. (Thankfully, I have been added to his list of "girls" and for the last two years have experienced this same love.) I am certain that after watching Kirk along with Josh's tender heart and guidance from the Lord Josh is going to be an amazing dad! Thank you Kirk for your great example to Josh and your love for me... and all 3 of our little Mathews! I am so blessed to be a part of yours and Jane's family!

There's our chubby little gurl!

Oh the drama! We wore her out already...

Pouty lip and a chubby little hand!

We can't wait to introduce her to all of you! Thank you for your continued prayers and concern... we're almost there!

Catching up...

So much has happened since I blogged last, so here is a quick run down of our happenings.
Josh was out of town last weekend to celebrate with Kentrell, and a whole gaggle of other guys, Kentrell's upcoming wedding! He and Bailey will be married in only three weeks from Saturday. While in St. Louis Josh picked up a little something for Baby Mathews- here is what it was...

He was pretty proud of his purchase, and for good reason! He did a good job.



More on the baby front- We saw the specialist yesterday and her words to me were "well, you're kinda normal now!" Which means we procede with the last 12 weeks of the pregnancy like any other pregnant woman. It was a blessing to hear this! However, I never minded regular appointments and the opportunity to watch Baby Mathews grow. The baby cooperated yesterday and here are a few of the 3D images we got of her.

We can't tell at all for sure who she looks like, but I suspect that she is going to come out looking like her daddy. She looked pretty adorable opening her mouth and sticking her tongue out. It is amazing to watch how the Lord is growing her day by day.

Lastly, we move out TOMORROW! We signed our lease today and can start painting and moving in tomorrow. We are very excited about having our own home together but it will be a huge change. We are so grateful for the grace and help my parents have extended to us by allowing us to live with them for the last 16 months. The Lord definitely utilized our time living with the family to help heal after we lost the boys. The Lord has truly blessed Josh and I with wonderful parents who have more than helped us get to this point. We are so very blessed. In preparation for the move we have been completing projects for the decorating of our new "home." So I have to take a minute to brag about my sweet husband...

This is (obviously) Josh working on the valance for Baby Mathews room. Unfortunately I fell in love with a bedding set that was not exactly in our budget. The curtains and valances were going to be upwards of $100 to purchase so I bargained... I found valances at the Goodwill for $2 and velvet ribbon at Hobby Lobby for $1.50 and a tube a liquid stitch and we have a valance! Josh has spent two nights in a row working to complete these for me. I am so blessed to have a husband that is talented, patient and loves me very much! I will put pictures up of her completed nursery asap!