I heard this statement years ago, but I was then unaware of what the Lord would later use to prove this true in my own life. This day 3 years ago I delivered my twin baby boys and just as quickly had to tell them goodbye... for now. There were many times that day and the days following that I thought the pain was too unbearable to go on. Those days I physically clung to my precious husband and emotionally clung to the promise of eternal life for my boys through the personal sacrifice of Jesus Christ. The Lord upheld Josh and I both and blessed us beyond measure with our sweet Charlee girl and now our "Little Bean." I am certain and have absolutely NO doubts that the Lord was in control even through the devastating loss of the boys. I am also certain that though it was painful His plan was and is perfect... though 3 years ago I remember being angered by the thought of that. What I know to be true is that when Josh and I were dangling by a thread at the end of ourselves, empty and broken, the only answer was to rest in Christ. So that is what we did, by God's great grace. We took one day at a time, sometimes praying only that "God would be bigger than our pain that day." Soon after we began hearing from people who were amazed that Josh and I were healing and even some that were amazed that our marriage was withstanding this trial. We will be the first to say that it was nothing that the two of us did apart from the Lord that allowed us to keep living. The Lord had a greater purpose than we could understand for taking Liam and Tate home- He was to be glorified! It was not until this week after a conversation with a friend that this struck me so clearly. The Lord has given Josh and I an amazing opportunity to share hope with so many because of the loss of our boys. As a mom, the hurt is still very real but the hope that others will come to know Christ as their Lord and Savior as a result of the boys death gives their short lives a heavenly purpose. Three years later that is truly our prayer for those of you that read this- that the Lord would begin to reveal Himself to you in a very real and personal way that would draw you to faith in Him as the Risen Savior and begin walking with Him each day. We are obviously examples that a faith in Christ does not always mean a problem free life but it offers a peace that is beyond earthly understanding, true joy in the midst of a storm and a promise that He will never leave you or forsake you. I tell people often that if I did not believe that on April 9th, 2010 the Lord was holding Joshua Tate Mathews and William Louis Mathews in His hands than when we buried them the following Monday their story ends there... but it doesn't! I am certain that my boys were greeted by their heavenly Father and I too will greet them again one day. There is a song written by Selah that puts into words an amazing picture of what my boys may be experiencing and I'd like to leave you with them...
Such a long roadAll this madnessBut I knowThat the silenceHas brought me to His voiceAnd He says…I’ve shown them photographs of time beginningWalked them through the parted seasAngel lullabies, no more teary eyesWho could love them like this?I will carry youWhile your heart beats hereLong beyond the empty cradleThrough the coming yearsI will carry youAll your lifeI will praise the One Who’s chosen MeTo carry you
