Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Surprise!
Yesterday when I arrived home from work for what I thought was a staff meeting/luncheon I was greeted by shouts of "SURPRISE!" The ladies from the preschool where my mom and I work had secretly planned a shower to celebrate Baby Mathews. The house was decorated in pink, the counter was full of delicious food and the fireplace was covered in gifts. They truly had surprised me! My boss even went to great lengths to put a staff meeting agenda in our mailboxes so that I would not suspect anything. What a blessing the entire afternoon was. Here are a few pictures of the afternoon...
Having trouble loading a few more photos, more to come!
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Remembering Liam & Tate
One year ago today Josh and I were faced with hours of the most difficult and heart wrenching decisions we may ever make as parents. This is Liam and Tate's story...
At about 11:30pm on April the 8th I was feeling the usual discomfort that came with being stretched to the max by two growing little boys inside me. I mentioned to my mom I was hurting but this did not seem out of the ordinary for me, especially after a day of being on my feet at school. It wasn't until after a shower and Josh arrived home from work about an hour later that the pain became so intense I began to question what I was feeling. Earlier that day I had been to see my OB and the day prior I had been scanned at the specialist, and at 23 weeks gestation my last thought was that these pains were an indicator of labor. But Josh asked me "Could you be having contractions?" and minutes later my water had broken and Tate was already presenting. Immediately Josh ran to wake my mom and came back down the stairs already on the phone with EMS dispatch. It seemed like only moments later we heard sirens and a crowd of EMS flooded my basement. It took only a few minutes for the EMS to discuss their options and decide on a plan- only I was not satisfied. The tech that was communicating with me wanted to deliver the boys right where I laid but I was aware of the obvious implications that would have on their life if they were unable to be treated immediately. It was only 7 minutes from that to decision until we pulled into the hospital at which point my contractions were 1 minute long with only 30 seconds in between. It took the nurses only minutes to usher me into an OR and prep me for a c-section. Meanwhile Josh was outside the operating room being given information by the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit physician about the severity of the situation. She let Josh know that she had the authority to assess the boys and either treat them or not. Josh then entered the room and sat at my head as they began to open me up. The nurses and doctors kept saying to us that we needed to not worry if we didn't hear any crying as the boys were extremely premature. The pulled Liam out first and Josh got a good look at our first precious little boy before they swept him away and began working on him. Next they pulled out Tate and still to this day I can hear the little yell he gave when they laid him on top of my belly. Our eyes filled with tears as there was a collective gasp among the operating room staff. They quickly took Tate to the side and began working on him as well. The boys were only in the room with us for what seemed like seconds and then they were rushed to the NICU. On the way there, their Uncle Clark got a passing glance. Once the surgery was finished I was taken to recovery and was able to see my Mom and Dad as well as my brother and sister. At this point it was the middle of the night but in came my pastor and his wife with tears in their eyes as they prayed over us and for the boys. Also, my second parents the Siers were there to pray with me and take care of my parents. Josh's parents had been notified as soon as I was in an ambulance and they were in route from St. Louis. Josh and my parents were able to go up and see the boys shortly after I was placed in a room. All three of them reported back to me that they were beautiful little boys who were not going to go without a fight. The NICU doctor was pleased for the moment but made it very clear that we were only dealing with a minute by minute status. The doctor suggested that Josh and I attempt to get some rest because we had a long road in front of us. So we slept for a few hours and when we woke Jane had arrived with Josh's sister Maddie. Josh took his mom up to the NICU. I was still unable to feel my legs so I was still bound to the bed. When Josh returned his eyes were filled with tears and it was obvious things weren't looking good. The NICU called and told us to come up because the situation had worsened. My hero- Josh was not waiting any longer for the transporter that was assigned to us. He picked me up and placed me in the wheelchair and we headed to the NICU. By the time we pulled up to Liam's bed they were turning off the machines cleaning him up. The doctor apologized with tears in his eyes and then handed Liam to me. It was only a matter of minutes before we were brought Tate as well. When Josh and I looked up from the boys we were surrounded by both sets of parents and some of our siblings. Our entire family was able to hold them and mourn with us.
The next morning I was encouraged by a dear lady at our church, Diane Parker to hold the boys again. She assured me that this was not strange and that as a mom and dad Josh and I should get to look them over and feel whatever we needed to while we were able. So that is exactly what we did. For that entire Saturday the boys where in our room. Pam found tiny little clothes for them and I was able to dress them in the outfits that they would be buried in. Our entire family was packed into our hospital room- Kirk and Jane, Kylie, Grace, Maddie, Mom and Dad, Clark, Lyric and Laura. We ate meals together and laughed together and though they were already with the Lord, Tate and Liam experienced the love and support of our family's as they would have had they survived.
This was the longest 4 days of our life to date, but I CANNOT begin to imagine what those days and the last year would have felt like without the hope Josh and I have in Jesus Christ. When we look back we can clearly see that God placed individuals in our path those four days- starting with the EMS that stayed with me all the way to the O.R. all the way to the food service lady who brought me extra grilled-cheese and a pie for the family because her family had recently experienced the same thing. Josh and I owe many thanks to our parents who respected our wishes the entire time but completely planned, organized and paid for the small burial service of our boys. The Lord had blessed us greatly in so many ways, but merely by giving us wonderful Godly supportive parents. Over the last year around the house we have been free to talk about the boys, to cry over the boys and to thank God for the short time we had with them. God is sovereign, even in the times we can't understand and don't like. He knew the very minute that Tate and Liam would be called to Him and in that moment there was no more pain or suffering for our sweet boys. Josh and I hold tight- some days even cling to the promise that as God's children we will see our boys again.
There are so many of you reading that have prayed for us and served us through this last year of healing and we cannot begin to tell you how grateful we are for you. I realize this entry has maybe more details than some would like but it is important to Josh and I that people know the boys lived. Thank you for your continued prayers as we covet them for Baby Girl Mathews.
At about 11:30pm on April the 8th I was feeling the usual discomfort that came with being stretched to the max by two growing little boys inside me. I mentioned to my mom I was hurting but this did not seem out of the ordinary for me, especially after a day of being on my feet at school. It wasn't until after a shower and Josh arrived home from work about an hour later that the pain became so intense I began to question what I was feeling. Earlier that day I had been to see my OB and the day prior I had been scanned at the specialist, and at 23 weeks gestation my last thought was that these pains were an indicator of labor. But Josh asked me "Could you be having contractions?" and minutes later my water had broken and Tate was already presenting. Immediately Josh ran to wake my mom and came back down the stairs already on the phone with EMS dispatch. It seemed like only moments later we heard sirens and a crowd of EMS flooded my basement. It took only a few minutes for the EMS to discuss their options and decide on a plan- only I was not satisfied. The tech that was communicating with me wanted to deliver the boys right where I laid but I was aware of the obvious implications that would have on their life if they were unable to be treated immediately. It was only 7 minutes from that to decision until we pulled into the hospital at which point my contractions were 1 minute long with only 30 seconds in between. It took the nurses only minutes to usher me into an OR and prep me for a c-section. Meanwhile Josh was outside the operating room being given information by the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit physician about the severity of the situation. She let Josh know that she had the authority to assess the boys and either treat them or not. Josh then entered the room and sat at my head as they began to open me up. The nurses and doctors kept saying to us that we needed to not worry if we didn't hear any crying as the boys were extremely premature. The pulled Liam out first and Josh got a good look at our first precious little boy before they swept him away and began working on him. Next they pulled out Tate and still to this day I can hear the little yell he gave when they laid him on top of my belly. Our eyes filled with tears as there was a collective gasp among the operating room staff. They quickly took Tate to the side and began working on him as well. The boys were only in the room with us for what seemed like seconds and then they were rushed to the NICU. On the way there, their Uncle Clark got a passing glance. Once the surgery was finished I was taken to recovery and was able to see my Mom and Dad as well as my brother and sister. At this point it was the middle of the night but in came my pastor and his wife with tears in their eyes as they prayed over us and for the boys. Also, my second parents the Siers were there to pray with me and take care of my parents. Josh's parents had been notified as soon as I was in an ambulance and they were in route from St. Louis. Josh and my parents were able to go up and see the boys shortly after I was placed in a room. All three of them reported back to me that they were beautiful little boys who were not going to go without a fight. The NICU doctor was pleased for the moment but made it very clear that we were only dealing with a minute by minute status. The doctor suggested that Josh and I attempt to get some rest because we had a long road in front of us. So we slept for a few hours and when we woke Jane had arrived with Josh's sister Maddie. Josh took his mom up to the NICU. I was still unable to feel my legs so I was still bound to the bed. When Josh returned his eyes were filled with tears and it was obvious things weren't looking good. The NICU called and told us to come up because the situation had worsened. My hero- Josh was not waiting any longer for the transporter that was assigned to us. He picked me up and placed me in the wheelchair and we headed to the NICU. By the time we pulled up to Liam's bed they were turning off the machines cleaning him up. The doctor apologized with tears in his eyes and then handed Liam to me. It was only a matter of minutes before we were brought Tate as well. When Josh and I looked up from the boys we were surrounded by both sets of parents and some of our siblings. Our entire family was able to hold them and mourn with us.
The next morning I was encouraged by a dear lady at our church, Diane Parker to hold the boys again. She assured me that this was not strange and that as a mom and dad Josh and I should get to look them over and feel whatever we needed to while we were able. So that is exactly what we did. For that entire Saturday the boys where in our room. Pam found tiny little clothes for them and I was able to dress them in the outfits that they would be buried in. Our entire family was packed into our hospital room- Kirk and Jane, Kylie, Grace, Maddie, Mom and Dad, Clark, Lyric and Laura. We ate meals together and laughed together and though they were already with the Lord, Tate and Liam experienced the love and support of our family's as they would have had they survived.
This was the longest 4 days of our life to date, but I CANNOT begin to imagine what those days and the last year would have felt like without the hope Josh and I have in Jesus Christ. When we look back we can clearly see that God placed individuals in our path those four days- starting with the EMS that stayed with me all the way to the O.R. all the way to the food service lady who brought me extra grilled-cheese and a pie for the family because her family had recently experienced the same thing. Josh and I owe many thanks to our parents who respected our wishes the entire time but completely planned, organized and paid for the small burial service of our boys. The Lord had blessed us greatly in so many ways, but merely by giving us wonderful Godly supportive parents. Over the last year around the house we have been free to talk about the boys, to cry over the boys and to thank God for the short time we had with them. God is sovereign, even in the times we can't understand and don't like. He knew the very minute that Tate and Liam would be called to Him and in that moment there was no more pain or suffering for our sweet boys. Josh and I hold tight- some days even cling to the promise that as God's children we will see our boys again.
There are so many of you reading that have prayed for us and served us through this last year of healing and we cannot begin to tell you how grateful we are for you. I realize this entry has maybe more details than some would like but it is important to Josh and I that people know the boys lived. Thank you for your continued prayers as we covet them for Baby Girl Mathews.
William Louis Mathews
"Liam"
1 lb 7 oz, 11 inches long
Joshua "Tate" Mathews
1 lb 7 oz. 11 inches long
Sweet Brothers
Tate (on left) Liam (right)
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Good Report for Baby Mathews and Mama!
We had our appointment with the specialist this morning to check the progress of our sweet girl and check the status of my cervix... and we got great news! The baby is getting big and all of her organs are looking like they are developing well. They were also pleased that she is so active- and believe me she doesn't just turn it on for the camera, this little girl never sleeps! But I am so grateful to feel her moving so often. Maybe even more encouraging was the news the dr gave us about my body. My cervix is still over 4 centimeters and closed on both ends, even with the pressure of the baby moving against is. She shared with us today that because I am 22 weeks and the cervix is still such a great length, I now have LESS THAN a 5% chance of early labor (up to 28 weeks)!!! Josh and I were both relieved to hear this and I may get some sleep tonight! We are continuing to pray that the Lord sees fit to keep our little girl inside me for a while longer and we are so thankful for his faithfulness up to this point. Here are a few pictures of our sweet and somewhat cooperative little girl today...
Thank you for your continued prayers!
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
A Special Shout out to Mama Goss!
A week or so ago Kerrie, Lyric's mom text me and said she had a "surprise" for me. Later that evening when she came to get Lyric she brought with her every article of clothing that Lyric has now grown out of. She also brought toys, blankets and a few mom things for after the baby comes. After sorting through the clothes by size this is just a glimpse of the wardrobe that has already been started for our sweet baby girl!
These are just the 0-3 month clothes! And this is totally aside from the several outfits her Mimi keeps coming home with... or for that matter her Mama. So on another trip to Once Upon a Child her Mimi found these...
That's right they are the brightest shoes ever but Mimi knew her Daddy is a fan of shoes of all kinds... she was right, Josh got a kick out of these!
Last but not least, I had another surprise last week, this one from (Debbie) Mama Goss. For those of you who don't know Mama Goss let me tell you a little about her... While Josh was at Northwest and played football he crossed paths with another player Jon Goss and soon he met Jon's parents. This is where Debbie entered the picture. From then on she took Josh (and a few other boys) under her wing and quickly became Mama Goss. Josh has been showered with love and support from Mama Goss throughout the years and so it should not have surprised me when she messaged me to let me know that she had put a package in the mail for myself and baby Mathews. Saturday on my door step was a package packed full with two handmade diaper bags! They are wonderful... even match the colors that I have chosen for the baby's room. Here's a picture of her wonderful handywork!
They will be put to good use! Thank you Mama Goss!
Monday, March 14, 2011
still restricted...
Please pray... Yesterday Josh's boss sent him back to work a little prematurely. He went back at 3:30 in the morning Sunday and worked super hard for 10 hours. By the time that he made it home he was walking in a C again. So he returned to physical therapy this morning and then to the doctor. The doctor kept the orders for no repetitive bending, lifting or pushing so Josh will be on 2nd shift at the warehouse for the forseeable future. Please continue to pray that his back heals or that the Lord opens another door at Coke for a position that would fit his physical limitations right now. We appreciate your prayers!
Thursday, March 10, 2011
WE'RE MOVING!!!
This is the floorplan for our first home together! We are super excited to experience married life in our own place. We were out apartment shopping with my parents last week when we stumbled upon this apartment complex. It is a wonderful location! We are within walking distance of a Walmart and only a 2 minute drive from Target, Kohls, Dick's Sporting Goods, Steak N Shake, Sonic, Chick Fil A and much more. And my personal favorite - Waffle House is practically in our backyard. Our actual apartment backs up to a wooded area with a creek. It has pretty much everything we were looking for and met our budget needs. Josh is beginning to sand and paint the furniture that will be moving with us. The baby's nursery will be complete as soon as I we get the keys! We are definitely seeing God's faithfulness and the benefit in trusting His timing and plan. We move in the weekend of May 1st, which leaves me plenty of time to nest before our sweet baby girl arrives. We will surely update the blog with pictures once we are all moved in!
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Heavy Hearts...
There's a peace I've come to know
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There's an anchor for my soul
I can say "It is well"
Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise
There's a day that's drawing near
When this darkness breaks to light
And the shadows disappear
And my faith shall be my eyes
Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise
And I hear the voice of many angels sing,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
And I hear the cry of every longing heart,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise
Every time I hear this song I am met with tears as I think about the Lord calling Tate and Liam by name to Him, 11 months ago today. Josh and I believe without a shadow of a doubt that in that moment when the boys breathed their last breath their tired tiny bodies felt no more pain as they were in the presence of the Lord. Josh and I continue to cling to the promise that we will someday meet our precious sons in heaven. Job 1:21b "The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised."
Tonight, we write this blog with a heavy heart for a couple that lost a precious baby girl yesterday. I am met with strong emotions as I think about the loss of that mother and father and the days they face ahead. So I ask that if you are reading this that you pray specifically for Rachel and the loss she is experiencing as a mother. Also for her husband- that the Lord would comfort and reveal Himself in a new and real way as he continues to be the head of this family during this tragic season.
As I sat down to write this blog I was overcome with emotion and I began reading the Bible. In the 39th Psalm David writes "But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you." In the days following the boys death and even now as I approach 23 weeks with Baby Girl Mathews I find myself needing only to hope in the Lord. Only He is the giver of life and only He knows the plans for tomorrow. (However, do not let me fool you- often it takes Josh reminding me to hope in the Lord.)
Lastly is a verse that I have claimed as a promise.
Psalm 126 verse 5 says "Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy." Josh and I are seeing that the Lord has turned our tears and prayer into joy with the life of this precious baby girl growing in me, it is my prayer that in time Rachel and her husband may experience this as well. Thank you so much for your prayers, they are invaluable.
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There's an anchor for my soul
I can say "It is well"
Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise
There's a day that's drawing near
When this darkness breaks to light
And the shadows disappear
And my faith shall be my eyes
Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise
And I hear the voice of many angels sing,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
And I hear the cry of every longing heart,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise
Every time I hear this song I am met with tears as I think about the Lord calling Tate and Liam by name to Him, 11 months ago today. Josh and I believe without a shadow of a doubt that in that moment when the boys breathed their last breath their tired tiny bodies felt no more pain as they were in the presence of the Lord. Josh and I continue to cling to the promise that we will someday meet our precious sons in heaven. Job 1:21b "The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised."
Tonight, we write this blog with a heavy heart for a couple that lost a precious baby girl yesterday. I am met with strong emotions as I think about the loss of that mother and father and the days they face ahead. So I ask that if you are reading this that you pray specifically for Rachel and the loss she is experiencing as a mother. Also for her husband- that the Lord would comfort and reveal Himself in a new and real way as he continues to be the head of this family during this tragic season.
As I sat down to write this blog I was overcome with emotion and I began reading the Bible. In the 39th Psalm David writes "But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you." In the days following the boys death and even now as I approach 23 weeks with Baby Girl Mathews I find myself needing only to hope in the Lord. Only He is the giver of life and only He knows the plans for tomorrow. (However, do not let me fool you- often it takes Josh reminding me to hope in the Lord.)
Lastly is a verse that I have claimed as a promise.
Psalm 126 verse 5 says "Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy." Josh and I are seeing that the Lord has turned our tears and prayer into joy with the life of this precious baby girl growing in me, it is my prayer that in time Rachel and her husband may experience this as well. Thank you so much for your prayers, they are invaluable.
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